The Torrey Students Who Don't Read Anything

By Dan Issler



Well, I never finished Homer,

And I didn't quite get Plato,

And I've never bested Dan Yim in an argument at all.

And I've never acted Shakespeare,

And I don't much care for Spenser,

And I won't get in St. Peter and St. Paul.



We are the Torrey students who don't read anything,

We just sit around and post on BUBBS.

And if you ask us to read anything, we'll just tell you...

..we don't read anything!



Well, I can't make sense of Dante,

And I couldn't follow Virgil,

And I've never thrown my Aristotle up against the wall.

And I didn't do my notebook,

And I'm not prepared for MidRags,

And I won't get in St. Peter and St. Paul.



CHORUS



Well, I've never thought with Descartes,

And I've never sailed with Melville,

And I like to pick on freshmen when they get here in the fall.

And I'm predestined to shelve Calvin,

Und Ich trinke nicht mit Luther,

And I won't get in St. Peter and St. Paul.



CHORUS



Well, Leviathan perturbed me,

And I can't decipher Pascal,

After reading Hume I doubt that there are miracles at all.

Definitions have me dizzy,

And I dozed while reading Descartes,

And I won't get in St. Peter and St. Paul.



CHORUS



Well, I've never typed an outline,

I can't write like C.S. Lewis,

And I got a measly 7 on my paper in the fall.

I forgot to take pre-class notes,

And my pull questions lack content,

And I won't get in St. Peter and St. Paul.



CHORUS



I've immersed myself in Plato,

Spent ten hours on the first page,

And I've analysed the shadows on my stark white bedroom wall.

I've been dazed by aporia,

And I've wondered where the fourth is,

And I might get in St. Peter and St. Paul.



CHORUS



Well, I can't pronounce Telemachus,

I've never heard of Glaucon,

There are times I can't believe that they accepted me at all.

But I passed Don Rags last Wednesday,

So I must be learning something,

And I guess I'm coming back here in the fall.